Thursday, August 9, 2012

Proactive Visualization for Better Living

The hard part about having a crabby blog is when I'm not really crabby about anything.  I didn't want to sling any boys out the car window today as I drove.  I didn't want to hire a bulldozer to clean out my house, though it needs it still.  I didn't mind about the excuses of an eleven year old.  I didn't even mind the fart jokes. 

Wow.  I might not be feeling well.  Can you check my temperature?

Yup, I'm sick.  Must be.  Even the drivers on the road seemed to be more responsible and polite today.

Some days are insane around here.  See, we have a problem with a strain of virus that causes arrogance and a sense of entitlement.  I've finally figured out a way to keep from engaging with them.  I have to say it out loud.

"That guy's studying to be an organ donor.  I don't want to be in front of him when he succeeds." 

It helps.  You should try it. 

Think about it.  Some asshole tries to drive up your tailpipe and look around.  He won't back off when you politely tap your brakes.  Even I forget myself sometimes and the tap is a quiet way to express that.  Your particular asshole just uses it as an excuse to climb up closer.  He must be a proctologist.  Apologies to all the good proctologists out there.  You know he wouldn't be able to stop in an emergency.  It's easy to get caught up in all the road rage and

a) slam on your brakes.  I did that once with a semi truck that was trying to push me to drive faster.  It loosened his load and I had to rethink my strategy as he began to jack-knife and threw off a blue cloud of smoke from his brakes.  Thankfully, he got himself straightened out and I didn't become road pizza.

b) speed up when he tries to pass you on the right.  Can you picture him driving into one of those concrete barriers and rolling over on top of you?

or c) swerve a little to the left when you're turning left into your driveway, turn signal on, and he's passing you on a double yellow line.  The jerk now knows where you live. 

No, avoid all of these things and practice your visualization techniques instead.  Picture yourself on your couch, safely home with your family, a nice dinner in your lap and the TV on.  Picture your special asshole in an ER with some tubes running down his throat, artificially inflating his lungs.  He put himself in this position when he tried to pass a bus at a stop two weeks after school started as a trailered dump truck, also blowing the bus stop, barrelled past a group of surprised, but safe, school children.  Your particular asshole no longer drives a Porsche.  He won't spend the weekend in a suite at the Luxor in Vegas.  He won't even order the people who clean his house to take a little more time with the window panes in those skylights in his den.  Now, don't you feel better?

They say that living well is the best revenge.  Well, sometimes it feels as though simply living can be revenge enough. 

Thank you for listening, jules

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