Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Going to the Exterminator

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about getting a chunk of skin on my forehead taken off.  Great, just was I need for my already ailing beauty regime. 

It sucks to take a close look at all the damage.  Green varicose veins, double-waving arms, thinning hair, ugly scars.  Am I going to look like Frankenstein when he gets done?  Will it all be drawn up too tight?  Will the edges be shifted a bit?  Will they pucker? 

Oh, it doesn't really matter.  When I talked about how much I'd changed since my last visit, my sister told me that I still looked the same to her.  Bullshit.

"I see the essence of you," she said.  It may have been bullshit, but it made me feel better.  I'm going to have to call her tomorrow when I find out how much of my head they're going to take.  I suppose if I don't do it, it'll grow arms and legs and walk away with me.  It's not a virulent form of cancer, but it's still something growing on me that shouldn't be there.

Have you ever thought of the things that grow on a person's body that aren't technically, according to her DNA, a part of her body?  There are bacteria that control our moods.  If you're the type that gets crabby when you haven't eaten, don't blame yourself.  Blame your gut bacteria.  Those suckers are hungry.  If you feed them sugar, they just get hungrier. 

There are creatures that specialize in eating the dead skin you slough off your face and other creatures on the rest of your skin.   They look a little like dust mites.  Have you ever been in the doctor's office and seen a picture of one of those creatures?  They are the stuff of alien invasion movies. 

What was that movie where an alien called a person an 'ugly bag of mostly water?'  Well, if those aliens have good vision, they might call us ugly bags of mostly water covered in tiny frightening insects.

It turns out that beauty is just a measure of regularity in DNA anyway.  So I guess I don't have anything to worry about.  I've already had my offspring.  I wonder if this doctor can exterminate my bugs while he's hacking away at my face.  Might be worth asking.

Thank you for listening, jules

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