Saturday, August 16, 2014

What Kind of a Dork?

The good news is that I didn't have a heart attack. The bad news is that I thought I might be having one and dragged Nick off to the ER yesterday when my chest and my left arm began to hurt after an hour on a trampoline on Thursday.

Honestly, I stayed on my feet the whole time I was jumping. I didn't do any tricks. I didn't even jump and spin the way I usually do. So, afterward, when my left arm began to hurt, I wondered what the heck I could have done to it. It's not like my legs hurt. They barely even registered the exercise.

So, having pain in my left arm, chest pain, my usual dizzy self, and an occasional sweaty hot flash and I'm off to the ER to make sure I'm not dying.

Well, everybody is dying, but I didn't want to die yesterday. Not today either.

I'm not dying today. The ER doc said I had some abnormalities with my EKG, but that I've probably had them my whole life. He told me that I should get a stress test. He also said that I have some minor nodules in my lungs. I've had nodules in my uterus and my colon too, so nodules in my lungs don't surprise me. I'm old. I'm lumpy. I'm scarred, inside and out. TMI, huh?

When the ER doc got done talking, I told him that I felt like a dork.

He laughed and said if I'd talked to him on the phone about my symptoms that he'd have told me to come in. Better a dork than I dead dork, I told him. He laughed and nodded his head. He was very politely trying not to agree that I was a dork. I'm more in favor of laughter than I am of politeness, but he was a kind doctor. And no matter what he said at that moment, I was going to feel like a dork.

Today, I felt a little better after a long hot shower and my arm and chest felt a lot better after some stretching. I'll tell you the truth - I stole my son's personal trainer this morning. I wouldn't have except that Nick wasn't getting ready in time. He was languishing in the shower, almost as if to prove to me that he could. When it got so late that we would have been embarrassingly late, I left that boy behind. I just got into the car and drove away. I felt like a heel doing it, but I'd had enough of nagging him to get ready. Nick's personal trainer told me it was fine, that he'd work with me today and so that's what we did. He's a nice guy.

I'm telling you that it pays to have someone in the know show you how to stretch properly. When my hour was up, I felt incredible. Thank God for insolent and indolent boys, huh? I took what belonged to Nick. I needed it. I did some work with my lats, with the muscles by my shoulder blades, and I did some squats. Oh, squats do not look good when you watch yourself in the mirror, but I guess I did them pretty well. Oh my son's personal trainer was working to find something to compliment me on. He did. He also told me that the strength of a person's quadriceps was linked to longevity. Imagine that? I tried to tell myself that an old woman has to start somewhere and this is where I started today. Hopefully, it's not the end of it. I'm going to steal my son's nice personal trainer a little more often even if I look like a dork whenever I look in that mirror.

I've been a dork for fifty-four years. I'm always going to be a dork, but maybe I can be a healthy dork with some decent muscles at some point.

Thanks for listening, jules

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