Thursday, December 22, 2016

Pink Comb-Overs and Tiny Hands

My friend and I are having a running conversation about a new trend in book titles, curse words included. I love them. She doesn't.

Have you seen Assholes: A Theory of Donald Trump? Oh, I'll be the first to admit I didn't read the whole book, but it's a great title, so great that I bought five copies to give out to my friends as gifts, including my friend who was properly offended.

Mike and I talk about whether I'll be imprisoned eventually for checking out Assholes: A Theory of Donald Trump from my local library. Probably, but I imagine I'm already on someone's bad-list because I marched in protest right after that sham of an election we just had in the United States. I was the one wearing 'Stop Bigotry' on a banner pinned to my backpack. Yes, I'm worried I'll end up festering in a cell while I await trial because I think Trump is an idiot, but in the meantime, I'm distracting myself by imagining myself in there with a whole bunch of journalists from the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Aaron James, author of Assholes: A Theory of Donald Trump. Just the number of times I've typed Assholes: A Theory of Donald Trump will probably get me on that list to be detained interminably.

And while we're all in there, all us who think Donald Trump is a weasel, all of us waiting years to be released from Guantanamo without ever being brought to trial, every single one of us will laugh about all the great books with bitch, fuck, and shit in the titles. And also how Trump looks with his awesome comb-over barely covering extreme baldness. No, I'll be the only one talking about how Trump looks. The journalists and Aaron James will probably be discussing the psychological limitations of Trump and his regime, the laws that might have prevented his approach to the position in the White House if only the Republican-led Senate would follow through with the Russian interference with our election and how Trump has conflicts of interest he has no intention of resolving. I'll just doodle pictures of his pink flip, orange skin, and tiny hands while the rest of them think great and impressive thoughts on freedom and democracy. And I'll have time to hone my list of good curse word titles.

I like this trend. I think Bitch Wine started it. Years ago, I bought a bottle and gave it to my friend so we could open it, bitch and drink. Somehow, she knew I wasn't complaining about her. Good friend. Then, I saw a book called Gluten is my Bitch. I didn't read that book either. I didn't even buy it since I can't eat much gluten anyway and it would be torture to look at recipes for bread and stuff that's full of gluten if I can't eat it. It turns out that there are a half dozen cookbooks with bitch in the title. Nice! I'd cook that shit.

There's also a Fuck It Therapy book. I was tempted to buy a copy for my friend, but she's not the one with issues. I'm usually that person.

So pray for me. I'm probably going to jail after the Inauguration because Trump's aid, that bimbo, you know who I mean, says that discussing democracy is bad for democracy. So is talking about pink comb-overs and tiny hands.

Thank you for listening, jules

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