Wednesday, December 16, 2015

My Plan to Deface School Property

Alright already. I'm here to tell you that I have nothing new or funny or even snarky to tell you. Right this very minute, I'm supposed to be working on Mike's calendar for 2016. See, every year, I get him a Demotivator's calendar. Oh, there are copycats, but Despair, Inc. does it best.

No, they are not paying me to say this.

Hey, maybe they should pay me to say this.

But then this wouldn't be real and I'm always real. Okay, I'm usually real. This way, I'm just some schmuck who loves their posters and calendars. I have been so completely influenced by their truth and humor and irony that today when I came out of the bathroom at Nick's school and was standing there adjusting my zipper, right in front of a motivational poster, a real one, I started laughing out loud even though it's a serious poster about serious stuff.

It was embarrassing to be caught laughing by office folks at Nick's school when I was standing by myself outside the bathroom door in front of a poster that meant to inspire teachers and students into being their better selves. That poster did not inspire me to be my better self! Unfortunately, the person, the vice-principal, who caught me laughing didn't stop to ask why I was laughing so I never got a chance to explain away the lunacy. I wanted to tell him it had nothing to do with my zipper or the bathroom at all. It sucks when you can't explain away the lunacy.

Why do I always sound like an idiot when no one is talking to me? Okay, I sometimes sound like an idiot when people are talking to me, just not as often. Well, it might be about as often.

So, would one of you go out and buy a Demotivator's poster from the real Despair people and hang it up outside the bathroom at Nick's school? Please? That way, if I'm caught laughing as I stand there adjusting my zipper, everything will be okay.

Hey, that's a good idea. I can do that. I just wonder if I can deface school property without getting caught.

Thank you for listening, jules

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