Saturday, May 11, 2013


My guys went on a Scout hike today without me. I wanted to go. I really did. Mike said I could go.

I'm very sad to say that I didn't go because Nick needs to struggle with things without me. He's growing up. I'm at that point for which my very presence interferes, even when I keep my mouth shut, which I don't, even when all my looks are encouraging, which they aren't, but I try. Mike and Nick were both gone all day.

Oh, I did okay on my own, though I'm realizing that this time through the Scouting scene, my involvement is very different. When Mike and I were dating, I did no planning and got to go on every trip. These days, I realize that my role, in order for Nick and I to stay sane, has to be more distant. Instead of hiking, I went to listen to a presentation by Debbie Dimitre, who portrayed Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I love watching this woman. She lives and breathes the parts to the point that some people think she is the actual historical person she portrays and they ask her questions about 'her life.' It's a great way to learn history. Afterward, I took the dog to the off leash area and let him run and wrestle until he was lying on his side, panting, and only pretending to play with one of his favorite friends there. When I got home, I made a big salad and some iced tea and ate it on the deck.

I'll be honest. After that, I took a nap. I needed a nap. I deserved a nap after only five and three-quarters hours of sleep last night. I would have slept longer this morning except that just twenty minutes after they left, Nick called.

"Mom, I need you to bring me the fingernail clippers," he said. I opened one eye and looked down at the blanket that was tucked in around me.

"Not a chance," I croaked. My larynx had already gone back to sleep after the guys left.

"But Mom," he said in that special voice kids use. "I really need them."

"Really? Nick? Really?"

"They hurt. I really need the fingernail clippers. I was going to get them before I left, but I forgot." Now, our communication broke down at this point and I believed that Nick was saying that his fingernails were too long and were beginning to hurt. I get that, but he'd have to live with it, I thought.

"Maybe next time you'll remember." I said. Don't you just hate when people tell you stuff like that? But I imagined leaving my cosy nest, jumping into the car to bring the boy a pair of fingernail clippers, and seeing the looks on the faces of the men who were meeting there for the hike. It seemed ridiculous. Does it seem ridiculous to you? Plus, I was so comfortable in my spot on the couch and already faced a day of sleep deficit. Life is strange on a sleep deficit.

What I didn't get was that he'd let his toenails grow until they'd curled up and that Mike thought his feet would be more comfortable if his nails were trimmed. We were already worried about his asthma, the Osgood Schlatter disease in his knee that required six weeks off from running in gym, and his feet which are 4E width and tend to hurt when he hikes. Right now, a six mile hike is pushing it for the kid. Long toenails could have been the nail in that coffin.

I said no, of course, being half asleep and not making the connection between the 'fingernail' clippers and Nick's toes. After a couple of additional texts, Mike told me that he'd stopped at the store and I felt like a shit sandwich for being so stingy with my sleep time. Still, I dozed off for just a half hour more, only to have bad dreams about Nick needing my help and not getting it.

So late this afternoon, I woke up when Mike and Nick got home. Nick was grousing at Mike about something. It would have been me if I'd gone with them. I was kind of glad at that moment that I didn't go, though the hike looked beautiful from the pictures Mike showed me. He said that Nick did pretty well. We'd been worried. Even Nick had been worried.

"Well, you should be proud of yourself," I told Nick. "You did it!"

"He did better when I wasn't there," Mike said and told me how he'd run back down the trail to see if he could find a canteen that one of the kids had left behind. Nick really is growing up.

"And Mom?" Nick said.

"What Honey," I said.

"These," he said and he held up a nice new pair of fingernail clippers, "are MINE."

Well, okay, he's beginning to grow up.

Thank you for listening, jules

No comments:

Post a Comment