Saturday, April 15, 2017

Why You Should Watch '13 Reasons Why'

Have you binge-watched 13 Reasons Why on Netflix yet? Watch it, but only if you have teenagers, are a teenager, or have ever spoken to a teenager. It covers everything, bullying, shaming on social media, stalking, shunning, and doing the right thing when you made a big mistake. It even covers rape.

I wanted to write thirteen dumb reasons why I go crazy as a mom, but it wasn't funny, especially if you did watch the show, especially if any of those things ever happened to you.

Especially because some of those things happened to me when I was younger. I write circles around those stories. I'm sorry. I feel such a strong need to write, but I end up writing stupid things instead.

I am not brave. I never have been.

So my stories are fraught with holes. The truth, my truth will come out sometime. I will write it all eventually. I'm sure I will. Just wait with me for a while. When I get old, I hope I'll become more brave and I will tell all of my stories, even the difficult ones. Especially the difficult ones.

Even when things were truly horrifying in my life, when I was harassed, stalked, groped, peeped, and worse, I never quite got to the point of killing myself.

But if I do have a story I can tell right now without fear, it is this - if you've thought about going down that trail... if you suffered, if you have ever considered ending it because everything is just so deeply fucked, I can tell you that it doesn't stay that way forever. I came through. I eventually married a man I still can't believe I deserve, someone who loves me, damaged or not. I got out, escaped, found a job somewhere entirely new. I got stronger. Now, I live a charmed life, one that is opposite of the sad life I lived before. It's never perfect, but it glows in comparison to the black and gray future I thought I deserved and expected.

I once stood at the abyss. I considered the leap, but ultimately I decided to get angry instead, to fight back instead of collapsing.  Eventually, that anger will have to include telling my truth. I stood at the abyss for a long time before I walked away. I'm still amazed I didn't fall in, and maybe I did for a while, just got lost in the awful enormity of evil in this world.

But I'm here to tell you it doesn't stay awful forever. There is light. There are good people. There is help. My wish for you is that you find it. I did.

Thank you for listening, jules

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