Sunday, September 1, 2013

My Philosophy of Cleaning

My eyelid is swelling. I don't know why. I hate when that happens. The last time I did that, I found out that I was allergic to shrimp. I love shrimp, so it stinks. I don't know what I'm allergic to today. Hopefully, it's my laundry detergent.

There are only two days until school starts. I have to admit that I'm ready. I want a schedule. I want to be able to go back to sleep after the kid goes to school. I want to clean my dirty house. Okay, I don't want to clean my dirty house. I don't, but there was a guy, today, who was showing me photos of his house. It was beautiful. It was clean. He'd painted it inside and out himself. I wanted to go sit in his house until my house was clean.

I don't want anyone seeing how dirty my house is either. I don't want someone else rearranging my stuff, using their own methods to do my dishes, my laundry, dust. Not interested. One week in Hawaii with the women moving stuff away from where I put it was enough of that. If I put my shoes by the door, I want them to be by the door when I come back into the room later.

It's an easy place for mind games to begin. They tell you about your slovenly nature by the way they reorganize your shoes. Sometimes mind games are fun, but not when you're on the receiving end.

This is boring.

So, why is it important to clean your house?

So you feel welcome when you sit down on your couch. That's all. You want to feel cozy, comfortable. If your stack of books by the recliner makes you happy, you should leave it there, let it lie, forget that there's a world of moms out there who would tell you to put away that pile of stuff and while you're at it, put that glass of water into the sink.

It doesn't help to have someone else do the work for you. That kind of thing just twists your perception of reality, messes with your affect on the world. Tell that to a bunch of litter bugs.

Tell that to the people who cut in line in front of you, thinking they're entitled. Don't you hate those people? They should never have been allowed to hire house cleaners. If your work is so important that you don't have time to clean, tough. Make the time. Hire people to manage your money. Hire people to fix your car, grow your food, shop for your groceries, even, but wipe your own piss off the sides of your toilet. Do you know what I mean?

Is it relevant to have a philosophy of cleaning?

I think so. You don't? Have you ever been in a house that's so clean you can't relax? Have you ever sat on a couch so dirty you couldn't lean back? Did you ever say 'No, thank you' to lemonade because you got a look at the crumbs on the counter or the film on the drinking glasses?

Yup! You have a philosophy of cleaning.

So, which is it? Clean, dirty, or in between?

I'm a big fan of in between.

And right now, after yet another vacation and just before school starts, my house is leaning toward the dark side. It's not quite evil, but it isn't welcoming either.

I'm out of shape too. It turns out that all those summer activities weren't as good for me as walking my dog.

So, here's my plan:

The first day of school, I'm not going to schedule anything, maybe the second day too. Then, on the third day, I'm going to get to work, scrubbing, reorganizing, donating, walking the dog, making my living room inviting again, and cooking some decent meals.

I ate a lot of crap this summer too.

Thanks for listening, jules

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