Monday, February 19, 2018

Failing

"It's not often that poets and writers get a chance to save the world," wrote Paul Hunter. "But here we are, on the verge of environmental disater..."

I went to a writing workshop run by Paul Hunter last Saturday at the Book Tree. I wrote about a tree that I loved. I wanted to write about maidenhair fern, broccoflower, tree branching, river braiding, Fibonacci, and fractals in space and time. When I signed up for the workshop, the description referred to Confessions of a Recovering Environmentalist by Paul Kingsnorth. I was reminded of my New Year's resolution to do something tangible about living sustainably. Could driving thirty one minutes to an almost local bookstore for a workshop run by an environmentalist poet qualify as a concerted effort?

I know, I know. I've been absent for how many days? You wanted someone who would perfectly portray what a New Year's resolution is supposed to be? Instead, I've been absent. A zero. Negligent. Plus, I haven't kicked my salads in a plastic tub habit. I'm not very good at this. Admitting the truth might be the first real step. But I've been avoiding the whole thing.

Honestly, some part of me had thoughts of that resolution whenever I drove my errands. 'Can't right now,' I thought. 'Can't write and drive safely.' I know. I've tried it. 

Sometimes my New Year's resolution to do something about climate change was pressed into my thoughts by a radio show, Living on Earth. You may not be a religious science geek like I am, but I get the best nudges from the Universe when I'm supposed to do something and have been shirking my duties. Living on Earth has been a big part of those nudges. Thank you, Living on Earth for that. Then on CBC, I heard about how the managing director of a company, Richard Walker of Icelandic Foods in Canada, has vowed to make his company plastic-free by 2023. He was so awesome that I broke my 'no writing while driving rule' and wrote down his name and #toocoolforplastic.  If all I did during those missing days was to listen, then I'm at least not completely off the rails. I was actually a little jealous of Richard Walker while I listened to his great idea to eliminate plastic from his company because he'd taken a big step while all I'd done was listen to the radio and think about what I should have done last week but didn't.

See, when I was safely at home, free to write, I got distracted. I procrastinated my New Year's resolution to live more sustainably, to make concrete steps toward a world in which I could do that without leaving my husband, son, and home to go native or learn farming in the middle of nowhere. I'm not a survivalist.

It really is going to be hard to make changes that we need to make if I'm having this much trouble all by myself.

Someone at Paul Hunter's workshop said that we're all afraid to use the word 'population' when discussing climate change. It's true. Can we really save the world without addressing our burgeoning population?

But at least I'm here, not a complete zero, trying to continue with my resolution. I'm still trying, but sometime, I'm going to have to write about futility and recycling plastic grocery bags. I'm going to have to write about existential angst and the big battery in my Prius. I'm going to have talk about what I've been doing and what I still need to do.

I'm going to have to fail before I can imagine succeeding. Okay, I'm here today to tell you that I've failed for at least two weeks now. Listening to the radio is not a success. It's not.

Thank you for listening, jules


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