Sunday, December 2, 2012

Insomniac, Part 10

In fact, people who managed to be privy to Harold's troubled relationship with sleep invariably told him about the magic cure.

Drink 16 ounces of water after dinner.

Take large doses of melotonin.

Exercise is your cure. Get a dog. Get a personal trainer.

Take antihistamine.

Avoid drinking any water after bedtime.

Go to bed at the same time every night.

Get up at the same time every morning.

Don't watch TV.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, in otherwise, whenever you can.

Try watching the movie 'Australia.' It's long, has good music, and can lull you to sleep.

Try hypnosis.

Don't eat sugar.

Drink warm milk with brown sugar at bedtime.

Don't keep a clock in the bedroom.

Keep a sleep journal with information about how much sleep you got with what you thought interrupted you.

Don't live near power lines. Harold wondered where you'd have to live to do that.

Don't eat more than six ounces of meat a day.

Sleep in a dark quiet room.

Get a white noise machine.

Avoid exercise within five hours of bedtime.

It's adrenal shock.

It's cortisol.

It's sleep apnea.

You might have a pituitary tumor.

It's contaminants from generic medications.

It's subliminal messages. Hadn't he ever seen the breasts hidden in the ice cubes in the liquor ads?

Oh Harold had heard them all. Harold was tired of hearing them all. Harold was simply tired. Mostly, he got the impression that if he just tried hard enough, he would get enough sleep.

He must not be trying, he thought, as he sat on the edge of the bed at 2:17 am, his head in his hands.

Thank you for listening,

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