Thursday, December 7, 2017

Roy Moore's Family Values of Pedophilia?

I'm trying to reframe my opinion of Al Franken.

Did you ever meet someone famous and find you were disappointed in the human being in front of you? Disenfranchised? Disconnected with the golden image you had of them? And then they were human.

That's how I feel about Al Franken right now. I wanted to continue to like him, but when the woman described how he allegedly put his arm around her waist and grabbed a hunk of her flesh, it made me groan out loud.

It sounded less invasive than what Roy Moore did with the teenage girls, but still.

Ugh.

The story no longer sounded like it was about a man who was maybe socially awkward and trying to be funny. It sounded like a man who understood his power to take hold of what wasn't his, especially when the cameras were rolling.

Everybody knows that Al Franken is the martyr here, intended to shame the Republicans into getting rid of Roy Moore, a pedophile if you believe his accusers. And I most certainly believe them. He was banned from going into the mall. That doesn't happen to a man unless he's a total creep.

Al Franken's actions were nothing compared to those of Donald Trump. Trump walked into beauty contest changing rooms where teenage girls stood naked. He bragged about grabbing women by the crotch. There are a dozen or more women who accused Trump of assaulting them. I believe those women too.

I so badly want to continue to respect Al Franken. I still respect that he apologized when the first woman came forward. I do.

Years ago, when I was the only female engineer in a department of eighty engineers, I got a lot of attention, some of it unwanted. Generally, this company was a good one. Generally, the men behaved honorably. I met my husband at this job.

Yet, I had to argue that they shouldn't have nudes posted on the wall of the workshop. Suddenly, the formerly friendly technicians didn't like me as much as they had before. I argued that I didn't want to see the naked photos when I needed to go in there to get something done.

That didn't work.

I argued that they wouldn't want their daughters to have to look at photos like that at their jobs.

That didn't work.

The photos finally came down when I posted a Chippendales calendar next to the nudes. The men argued with me, said they didn't want to look at naked men while they did their jobs.

"These men aren't even nude," I said. "Those women are nude, spread-eagle. Do you want me to find photos of men who are actually naked and tape them up on the wall next to yours? I don't. And I don't want to have to look at these when I need to work in here."

The technicians went all surly and quiet. I argued to the technician's bosses, my bosses and finally, the photos came down.

These weren't bad men. They were married, had children, behaved fairly well in my company. They didn't grab my crotch or walk into the ladies bathroom. But they wanted that lab to be a place where I couldn't come in, especially if I was going to make a fuss about the pictures they'd taped to the walls. I had to go into the workshop to get my own work done, so staying out wasn't an option.

Eventually, we got along fine, but I was always going to be that girl who changed the atmosphere of their lab, who made them act like they would in their living rooms instead of their locker rooms. I made that lab a public space.

These men were simply socially awkward, not quite getting the gist of my perspective until I turned the tables on them. They eventually got over it and we had a fine relationship. When I needed someone to build something for me on the lathe, especially since I told them it looked like so much fun to operate, they relented and let go of their resentment. They got to explaining how they did their jobs, what an artform it was.

I wonder if Al Franken's movement through time hasn't been similar. Were we talking about something he did in the eighties, the nineties? Those days, certain behaviors, unwanted kissing, squeezing someone's waist, were more acceptable, not good, but not the worst thing that happened to us women.

And what about Roy Moore? There has never been a time in my lifetime when a thirty-two year old man was allowed to trick teenage girls into getting into his car so he could pressure them into having sex. And I've never lived through a time when reaching out and just grabbing a woman's crotch was acceptable, even if he was famous as Trump said in the Access Hollywood tape.

So yes, I believe that Al Franken was pushing the limits. If he'd done that to me as a young girl, I'd have wrestled to get away from him. I might have said, "Cut it out, won't you?" Or my opinion of the funny guy would have become tainted like it did with his accusers.

But you have to admit that there is a difference in the level of abuse between what Al Franken did and what Roy Moore and Donald Trump did. It's a significant difference.

I may not like Al Franken as much as I once did, but I am sure that he's being hacked down into the 'no tolerance' zone as a message to the GOP.

I'm pretty sure that the GOP isn't going to get the message. What happened to all their family values? Huh?

Thank you for listening, jules

Monday, December 4, 2017

Procrastinating the Next Story

I've really struggled with how to keep moving forward with the resistance after I published my book. The stories that needed to be told were hard, left me completely vulnerable, my #MeToo stories.

My #MeToo stories are the only way I learned compassion for W. Kamau Bell after I read about being a tall black man harrassed in the United States, for Michael Eric Dyson when he was put face-down on the pavement by a police officer while his wife and child watched. He had a broken tail light. And I still had to work to make the connection so I could feel compassion for them. A lot of other courageous women telling their stories helped me make that connection. I didn't want to make that connection. I wanted to keep sleeping, cover the lid back over all that shame and pain. I didn't want to see the struggle for black America because if I could feel their pain, I would have to acknowledge my own.

My #MeToo stories are full of shame. Brene Brown would having something to say about that, wouldn't she? I cringe when I read a woman's story and the comments are all the same things that people said to me when I told them my anguish over being harassed. It was awful. What was I wearing? Had I flirted with this man? How much did I have to drink? What did I do to deserve the treatment I got? Why didn't I say anything sooner?

Those questions shut me the hell up for more than thirty-four years. Yes, I said thirty-four. Some of the stories I've barely told my husband, my shame ran so deep. The thought of having all those stories bound into one book seems exhausting, excruciating, completely vulnerable.

Yet, I keep coming back to these stories when I think of how to #resist. I know that for the current poser in the White House, misogyny is one of my primary reasons for fighting against him, that along with his continual debasement of the office, his disregard for ethics and morality, and the way he seems to want to crush the Constitution.

But there are many people much more qualified than I am to argue the Constitution. As for ethics and morality, I think my stories touch on what allowed a man like Trump to enter the Oval Office along with the help he needed from Putin. People like Trump run companies, become bosses, are allowed to run rampant in school hallways, grabbing and assaulting people as they go.

So, I'm going to try to find a little courage to tell my stories about being harassed in the United States. Like with Michael Eric Dyson's story, it might help to open our culture up to change just to hear what happened, how many times these things happened.

Can you tell I'm nervous? I'm really nervous. This could be a total catastrophe, laying myself bare for any old troll to torture me. With my book, I've already been called pathetic for thinking Trump is a problem, promiscuous because Planned Parenthood helped me when I was a young woman, and one guy insulted my hair but he blocked me before I could respond to tell him that comments about my ugly hair didn't constitute a good argument for having Trump in the White House.

Despite these comments, I'm still standing. So, I'll get right on it. Really, I will.

Thank you for listening, jules